Friday, May 29, 2009

Tantrums and venting

Celia throws tantrums, they are not bad and I can't say they are that frequent. But I want to do the same thing. I want to throw myself on the floor, kicking and screaming. What would I be screaming??? "Why, why, why are you doing this to this room? Why? It is the perfect classroom. It is as if someone individualy plucked out this kiddos to fit with each other in one classroom. They work together, they are the greatest grouping I have ever seen, so why???" The more I think about not being able to teach this group, the more it upsets me. I very much need the school year to be done, I really do- emotionally and physically. I am so mad that the end of my school year is going to be spent on meetings with parents to go over placements. I am so mad that I have to talk to parents and tell them what is happening next year. That is not my job. The kids deserved stability and consistency, at least for another year. I am equally mad that when I am not in meetings that I will likely be dealing with various people visiting the room to look at students.
This grouping of kids are very special to me. They were the grouping that made going back to work worthwhile. I only hope that their new placements will be appropriate. I am so proud of one of my students who is a tiny little peanut who has made tremendous gains. She is going back to her school district and I have no fears for her. I know that what we have given her this year will stay with her for a long time. I am proud of my staff that has assisted with that.
As for me, my future is unclear, I switch off and on between going back and not. Next week I will likely tell everyone I am going back to school to be an lawyer, exotic dancer, ...
Although I haven't written about her in awhile, my own little peanut is doing great. She had a rough weekend last week- a little overstimulated. She is my chatterbox, talking in phrases most of the time now. Toilet training is going well and for the most part isn't having accidents at home. When she is alone with Daddy, she has had some accidents!

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