Tantrums and venting

Celia throws tantrums, they are not bad and I can't say they are that frequent. But I want to do the same thing. I want to throw myself on the floor, kicking and screaming. What would I be screaming??? "Why, why, why are you doing this to this room? Why? It is the perfect classroom. It is as if someone individualy plucked out this kiddos to fit with each other in one classroom. They work together, they are the greatest grouping I have ever seen, so why???" The more I think about not being able to teach this group, the more it upsets me. I very much need the school year to be done, I really do- emotionally and physically. I am so mad that the end of my school year is going to be spent on meetings with parents to go over placements. I am so mad that I have to talk to parents and tell them what is happening next year. That is not my job. The kids deserved stability and consistency, at least for another year. I am equally mad that when I am not in meetings that I will likely be dealing with various people visiting the room to look at students.
This grouping of kids are very special to me. They were the grouping that made going back to work worthwhile. I only hope that their new placements will be appropriate. I am so proud of one of my students who is a tiny little peanut who has made tremendous gains. She is going back to her school district and I have no fears for her. I know that what we have given her this year will stay with her for a long time. I am proud of my staff that has assisted with that.
As for me, my future is unclear, I switch off and on between going back and not. Next week I will likely tell everyone I am going back to school to be an lawyer, exotic dancer, ...
Although I haven't written about her in awhile, my own little peanut is doing great. She had a rough weekend last week- a little overstimulated. She is my chatterbox, talking in phrases most of the time now. Toilet training is going well and for the most part isn't having accidents at home. When she is alone with Daddy, she has had some accidents!

Decisions

Life right now for me is full of thinking. I am have enjoyed my school year with my little kiddos a great deal. They have been one of the more rewarding groups of kids that I have ever taught. I was told Friday that this will be the one and only year that I will work with them. My classroom is closing and they are going into another room. It is a sad situation because no one knows them and it took us a good 3 months to get to know them and develop behavior strategies to help them learn. 3 of my students are finishing up communication device trials and should have them ordered by next year. The teacher that they will have next year will likely not have a background in communication devices, especialy the Dynavox. I only assume that because the nature of the program in which she has been based. They would never have students with severe communication disorders in that program. There are other big concerns, like the hour long bus ride to their new classroom. Most of all, I am irritated that I have spent nearly 9 years in this place and I have only been given praise. For the second year I am being transferred, I know it is just because my classroom is closing, but it stinks. I don't know where I am going to be placed, okay I have an idea.
I have found that when looking for jobs in school districts they want dual certification and I only have my special education degree. So my thoughts right now are to see if I could get my elementary ed degree and work part time by substituting or doing something else. We could afford it, but the thought of losing money to do this upsets me tremendously! The problem is that change really scares me and in my gut, I think I will just end up accepting my transfer and back with the IU in the fall! But I am seriously going to explore my options. Pete is on board with whatever I do, even if I want to change careers and go back to school. That is sweet, but I am not that brave!! So next week I am going to be busy making many calls.
So I think I need a push to make a change.. Oh and if anyone has suggestions on a good place to take a vacation that includes the beach and is with in 5-6 hrs away, let me know. We need to book some place and I really don't go for the crowded beaches in Delaware/Maryland.

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Not Me Monday is back!!

I haven't really been into posting a great deal lately for some reason. I thought that I would get back into by doing a Not Me Monday post.

I certainly did not let my daughter have a cupcake before dinner tonight, no not me. I am the queen of healthy food and would never let her have a cupcake.

I definately didn't spend the time that I could be napping yesterday on Mother's day doing school work, no not me.

I most certainly didn't stop my husband from taking Celia out to eat so that I could sleep a little longer yesterday because I kept thinking about all the things that he would need and finally just ask him to do it on another day, no not me (he certainly didn't wake me up to tell me that he was taking her out instead of letting me sleep and just leaving a note).

I am certainly not counting down each day until I am done with school for the year. I am certainly not extremly bummed out about my possible transfer for the 2nd year in a row.

My husband definately didn't clean 2 bathrooms top to bottom for Mother's Day, therefore proving to me that he is very good at cleaning bathrooms. No he would never do that!