On Wednesday I leaned my head against the doorway of my classroom and I took it all in. The walls were bare, circle time had no calendar or weather frog, the puzzles were gone, and boxes were packed. I took sometime to think about the year. I pictured the group of kids that frightened my assistant and I at the beginning of the year. I pictured that group that made me tell Pete that I didn't think I was going to last the year, it just was too exhausting. Then I pictured the group that made me want to stay the whole year. I pictured the group that made me love coming into the classroom everyday. I pictured the group that frustrated everyone but made us feel so important and so special. They are not the same group of students, they really aren't. The group of kiddos that we started with did not exist, they didn't exist after November. Don't get me wrong, they were still a handful, but they matured and grew so very much this year. I watched little J learn to defend herself among kids a foot taller and I heard her say her first words. I saw N become calmer and learn, oh did she learn this year. I won't lie, there are a couple of students that I enjoyed the year teaching, but I am okay with not having them next year.
So I didn't stand at that doorway for too long, it just was too painful. I am not sure that my students are going off to better places. Little J will be fine going back to the district, she is smart, sweet, and compliant. I am not sure that I am going off to a better place. I haven't put in my letter of transfer yet but I think that I am. My supervisor asked me again if I knew what I was doing and I told him my plans, then he changed my mind a little. There is a classroom at our Autistic Support school that has some students with behavior problems. I am good with students with behavior problems, but honestly I am tired of that a little. I love the challenge though.
This week has been complicated by the fact that I have the plague. Okay perhaps not "the Plague" but some horrible virus/infection. It started with fever, body aches, and the worst sore throat I have had in years. I popped Tylenol and Ibropfren like candy Mon and Tues to get through work. Wednesday I went to the dr and they didn't know, I was told to fill an antibiotic prescription on Thursday if I didn't feel better. So I woke up Thursday thinking maybe the sore throat was know more like 10 knives then a dozen. I didn't fill the prescription until later that day when things got worse. So today I think maybe I am filling better, but not sure as my throat is still killing me.
Celia is home for the summer with me, today is the official day. She didn't take her morning nap because she took off her sleep sack, nap diaper (undies when awake), and shirt. I heard her from downstairs saying "I nakey, Celia nakey". That never leads to anything good. So I got her up and we played outside for a bit then came in to make bagels. I found a recipe for it and thought it sounded worthwhile to try, the dough is rising right now and I am deflating. I think I need to also take a nap. She really loves to bake, but she thinks that everything we make is muffins. I told her bagels and showed her the pictures. She then asked if I was cooking the muffins!